The Young and Disenchanted

“Boys: sometimes a girl just needs ‘em” – My boys, Part I

Posted on: 2 January, 2009

Fact: A good 70% of my close friends are dudes.

Now, I’m not one of those chicks who claim to not have any female friends, or that “girls are so bitchy, guys are just waaaaaaaay more chill!” I have the most amazing girl friends, including my beautiful sisters, who keep me in touch with my feminine side and shit.

But I’ve also been lucky enough to find a group of friends that I have a lot in common with, who make me laugh, give me free liquor good advice – and who just happen to be male. To be exact: a eccentric, Eurotrash-esque but not gay South-American who I run wardrobe choices by, an emo-child/metal loving Texan who has taught me everything I need to know about gadgets, a cycling Asian who fixes my laptop, a Jewish kid who knows more British music than I do and an assortment others who have helped keep me sane through the ups-and-downs of moving to the USA and college. And I spend most of my time with them, mainly I suppose because we function as a group (I tend to relate to my female friends on a one-to-one basis) and it’s always some sort of illegal activity fun times when we’re together.

Yet everything I read about male/female friendships basically contradicts my life. Male ranting received wisdom dictates that “men and women can never really be friends” and that “any man who says he’s friends with a woman is just really waiting for the opportunity to sleep with her.” I’d imagine a typical male/female conversation on the topic would go as follows:

Woman:   My guy friends so don’t want to sleep with me – if they did, they’d have hit on me from the get-go.  

 Man:       It’s called game, stupid, they’re lulling you into a false sense of security before they pounce.

Woman:  But they date other girls without bothering to build up the same kind of friendship we have!

Man:       They’re doing that to avoid rejection and get some at the same time. And you say men can’t multitask…

Woman:  I don’t get that feeling from them though – our relationship is like family, they’re like my brothers.

Man:       That’s what she said… right before she got gang-banged.

To be fair, it’s not just men – plenty of women I know are just as sceptical about the platonic relationship. I can’t really pretend to be an expert on the subject: before college, I attended all-girls schools for ten years, and as my parents are trained maximum security prison guards a tad overprotective, I never really had the opportunity to hang out with many guys my age growing up. Maybe growing up with so many girls and being subconsciously sick of it is part of the reason why I now hang out with so many guys. 

For the record, I’ve only ever crossed the “just friends” boundary with one of my male friends (a topic I’ll touch on in another entry). With this group of guys there’s always a lot of talk about my boobs/ass/vagina, but I don’t feel particularly targeted just because I’m a girl (they talk about each other’s dicks/balls/vaginas ad nauseam), nor does it seem particularly sexual (they grab each others asses’ more than they do mine). As far as I’m concerned, our friendship is based on the fact that we all enjoy each other’s company as well as understand each other’s various eccentricities. Basically, I’m just one of the dudes. There’s never been a situation where I’ve felt that they see me as just some girl they’re waiting to fuck, unless I’m completely and utterly blind (I’m not, by the way).

My sister, who had a similar group of friends when she began college, told me that after she entered a serious relationship, her male friends began to fade out of the picture. Whether this is because they felt that they were officially out of the running, or because they were falling back to what they perceived to be the new most important part of her life then, I’m not certain. I guess when I get into the same situation I’ll be able to tell, although I’ll be surprised if that happens with my guy friends. Two of them have girlfriends and we’re still tight, so I don’t know why the reverse should play out like it did with my sister.   

For right now, I’m sticking to my guns and saying that a girl and five guys can be just friends, hamburgers included.

Speak on it.

P.S. Shout out to Britney Spears for the title – I copped it from “Boys”. Damn, I miss the early 2000s when the Neptunes were the hottest producers on the radio. And yes, I fux with Britney Spears. I was a teenage girl once. Deal. 

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